Rachel “Raquel” Leviss (left) and Ariana Madix.Photo: getty (2)
Rachel “Raquel” Levissknows her actions did not align with her words amid the fallout ofScandoval.
While discussing theVanderpump Rulesseason 11 premiereon the latest episode of her podcastRachel Goes Rogue, Leviss reflected on her decision to continue communicating with exTom Sandovalafter apologizing for their affair toAriana Madix. She noted that she still owes Madix an apology for her behavior.
“It was hard to see because I’m in a different place than I was back then,” she explained of seeing the premiere. “It’s a weird time warp when you’re watching a show like this and living one reality in that moment and then, months later when the episodes air, you’re living in another reality but you’re also reliving those moments that they captured on camera. And so it’s a nod to my younger self who was still in love and infatuated.”
Ariana Madix; Tom Sandoval; Rachel “Raquel” Leviss.Tammie/AFF-USA/Shutterstock; Cindy Ord/Bravo via Getty Images; Charles Sykes/Bravo via Getty Images
Tammie/AFF-USA/Shutterstock; Cindy Ord/Bravo via Getty Images; Charles Sykes/Bravo via Getty Images
Leviss said she wants to take “accountability” for her actions, sharing, “I got emotional watching that. You know, like, I recognized that my behavior was so hurtful to her.”
The former pageant queen admitted that she has mixed emotions about her decision tonot return for season 11ofVPR.
Rachel “Raquel” Leviss.Charles Sykes/Bravo via Getty
Charles Sykes/Bravo via Getty
Later in the episode, Leviss said she was “just happy” to not be part of the Bravo series, adding, “I’m so happy that I’ve been able to find more peace in my life and my day to day is stable and as serene as it could be in this stage in my life, I believe. … I do worry about things that are going to come up this season, but I’m just happy that I’m not in it like I used to be.”
She also shared that she’s not bothered her formerVPRcostars are calling her Raquel throughout the premiere, saying, “It doesn’t feel off to me at all.” However, she did note that it’s actually “a little bit weirder” to hear people who knew her as Raquel calling her Rachel afterdeciding to use her birth name in August.
One down side for Leviss is that it was difficult for her to watch her former palScheana Shayon the show after the pair had analleged violent incidentlast March.
Scheana Shay, Rachel “Raquel” Leviss.JC Olivera/Getty; Frazer Harrison/Getty
“It is hard seeing Scheana and Ariana — you know, two people that I did call friends,” she explained. “I think that I have a lot more resentment toward Scheana, so I think the thorn for me is just seeing Scheana’s face. And, you know, I’m working through that. … I don’t want to always feel that way when I look at her, but I guess right now it’s just not an enjoyable thing for me.”
Despite seeing her former friends on the small screen, Leviss plans to continue watchingVPR, sharing, “I was on the edge of my seat [during the premiere]. But I think that’s just because this [show] had been a part of my life for so long.”
Never miss a story — sign up forPEOPLE’s free daily newsletterto stay up-to-date on the best of what PEOPLE has to offer, from celebrity news to compelling human interest stories.
Vanderpump Rulesairs Tuesdays at 8 p.m. ET on Bravo.
source: people.com
