require to not get slaying - kidnapped by a hyper - intimate control freak ? CSI : Cyber provides a very helpful templet on what not to do : Do n’t use your phone ’s location services while taking selfies if you ’re a 5’2 chocolate-brown - hairy untried young woman who use societal medium ! Duh .
A very grossly decomposing dead girl named Elizabeth Marks is update her FriendAgena ( Facebook , duh ) page , so our squad , led by Special Agent Avery Ryan ( dally , as always , by Oscar Winner ™ Patricia Arquette ) is ON . THE . CASE . in “ Selfie 2.0 ” which is , frankly , the least “ cyber ” of all the CSI : Cyber episodes thus far .
“ Why nobble a daughter and keep her alive on societal media ? ” Krummy ask . As the clamant common people of CSI : Cyber do not care to dwell in ambiguity , we presently instruct the answer : To blot out the fact that she is bushed .
who DOESN’T girl
Mundo employ what ’s basically an FBI - educate Murder Tinder to isolate the dead girls ’ strong-arm assets to calculate for other likewise YOUNG PETITE ‘ N ’ spicy dead girls .
“ Five foundation two , heart of low-spirited , ” he whisper , because despite all old character exploitation pointing to Mundo being , if anything , a rampant Creed enthusiast , he ’s apparently pose the lyric for Art Landry ’s 1925 collision song “ Has Anybody see to it My gallon ? ( Five animal foot Two , Eyes of Blue ) ” in his head .
awkward
occur on now CBS , I jazz you know that your viewership is a shade on the senile side , but if this is n’t pandering to olds then I just did n’t watch an intact episode of CSI : Cyber in an airport sofa boozing Heineken , which is what I just DID !
Apparently it ’s “ traditional knowledge ” in the Federal Bureau of Investigation that this unsung Art Landry song map the idealistic woman for grown ole creeps . “ Ninety years later , five groundwork two , eyes of blue is still the physical preference for intimate predator , ” Sifter says . Of of course , he is provably incompetent , and upon learning about a potential aggregated - kidnap - manslayer he starts humming the words to an old - timey song or else of , you know , leading a criminal investigating . Once again , Sifter does * * * * * absolutely nothing * * * * * of any use the entire episode but he does make this font :
head word of the cyberderps division
The team decides that it ’s likely that the person who killed the dead girl is currently holding someone else who is five metrical unit two and has optic of blue hostage , so they begin minute down the people most potential to have been have . turn out the victims have ONE affair in common : A love of taking selfies with location information TURNED ON . “ Every meter they took a selfie they broadcast everything about themselves and did n’t even know it , ” Mundo sound out .
The team figure out that the kidnapper hunts the girls by cross their selfies to see when they were leisurely to abduct . By watching security footage of one of the kidnappings , they learn he keeps seven girls in his “ misuse harem , ” and post them — and uses one of them to do his dirty body of work . One of the daughter , Vanessa , is brainwashed enough to do the bidding of the kidnapper ( whose name is Jasper , because CSI : Cyber always decease for the really obvious creep names ) .
Avery track down Vanessa ’s babe , who explicate that they were molest by their don and that ’s why she ’s now such a crazy squawk . At this full stop the show has show a great deal more sort of rip - off realise footage of the engrossed girls getting post and step in the kidnapper ’s dank cellar and it ’s juxtaposed by Krummy and Nelson say things like “ hollaback ” non - ironically and the whole episode feel really tonally inconsistent . They entice Vanessa to arrest and she ’s not very cooperative , but she give them enough information to get to the awful rapine dungeon .
Once there , Avery does some standard - issue procedural dramatic event standoff mind voodoo tricksterism to kill Jasper before he opens firing on the girl . Everyone is rescued , except for Elizabeth , of course of action , since her clay recoil off the episode . sprain out , Vanessa kill Elizabeth because she was jealous of Jasper allowing her to go to the supermarket , which lead to a flashback that contain the line “ Jasper only eats gluten - loose moolah . ”
I ’m not entirely convince this instalment was n’t just someone ’s freeze off spec book for Law & Order : SVU make over to admit a few more dating situation reference and ridiculous tech jargon .
There ’s an full subplot about Avery and her patient Trish ’s sister , who has been ram insane by the decease . But it ’s kind of confusing and pigeon - holed in and it bore me so I ’m not gon na talk about it
Avery ’s litany of alibi about why she ’s not hangdog for the demise of Trish ’s sister was pretty good though . “ This was early internet ! Before firewalls ! ”
“ You work 7 twenty-four hour period a hebdomad , 18 hour a sidereal day , ” Avery tell during a weird appreciation monologue to Krummy . Wait , what ? That’s … a tidy sum . Like , maybe too much ? Does he get mad overtime or what ?
Shad Moss waistcoat watch :
Orange . What a bold move . Perhaps Nelson is an partisan of the upcoming Dutch holiday King ’s Day .
Nelson actually references obtaining a warrant using the Stored Communications Act this episode ! Progress !
wicked definition graphic of the hebdomad :
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