tick to viewThe bad thing about Hollywood ’s plague of crappy SF remakes is , you get asleep . You leave just how epically awful some of them were , even compared to Keanu / Klaatu . Here are the ten absolute bad remakes .
We ’re not just mouth Day The Earth Stood Still sorry . I bang , I have sex – your drumhead is still throb from the severe mediocrity and that slow , dull sloping trough into the drool pond that happens after Klaatu contract off to travel around Upstate New York . But really – Keanu ’s insult to your green goddess is just the most recent , not the worst . Here . Let ’s refresh your memory .
Planet Of The Apes
The perpetrator : Tim Burton , plus a whole crew of performing monkeys .
Why the hatred ? Burton ’s remaking of the 1970s classic is just cheesy in the wrong way . Too many supposedly canny lines like “ Extremism in the defense of apes is no vice . ” Helena Bonham - Carter delivers a career - spoilt performance as a crusader for human right . Even the unremarkably reliable Paul Giamatti is scary spoilt as a fearful striver - trader .
The Island Of Doctor Moreau
The perpetrator : Really , it sounds like the blamebelongs with ace Val Kilmer , who demand that original director , Richard Stanley be give notice . Then Modern director John Frankenheimer get into fight with Kilmer , and the shoot devolved into a shuffling .
Why the hate?Webomatica sums up :
The original music director was fired . Actors including Fairuza Balk walked off the solidification . The playscript was rewritten while inject . This bedlam was an idealistic household for Brando ’s notorious antics and in one scene he wear off an ice pail on his head because … well , he was bored and nobody dared say no to the cracking role player . I wonder if other approximation like the white clown constitution or the pianissimo duet with Mini Skinless Chicken were his , too . Val Kilmer was going through a divorce , called the shoot “ softheaded , ” and extemporise much of his public presentation , phoning in a mouthful of marble Brando impersonation at one point in time . The original director sneaked back on set just to participate , as an extra in furry makeup . Is there an Island of Dr. Moreau in Second Life ?
intrusion
The culprits : Director Oliver Hirschbiegel and genius Nicole Kidman .
Why the hate ? in reality , it protrude out passably well . It ’s only once we get the revamped account of what ’s going on – there are no body snatchers , it ’s just a uncanny prozac - esque sponge – that it slue down James Jerome Hill . The last half hour , include the weak happy conclusion , are where it really lose its grip .
Stepford wife
The culprit : Oh Nicole Kidman , what are you endeavor to do to us ? Plus normally bully director Frank Oz . Yoda , what were you thinking ?
Why the hate ? Oh man , where to set about ? For starter , you have the same overweening campiness and winking that ruined Burton ’s Apes . And then you have the same desire to discombobulate aside the premise of the original that smash Invasion – the wives are n’t robot , but humans control by an planted chip . Also , like Invasion , it has a tacked - on happy conclusion .
Rollerball
The culprit : John McTiernan
Why the hate ? I decamp this film , butthe consensus on Rotten Tomatoes(where it gets a 4 percent evaluation ) is that it skips everything that made the seventies master into one of my fave movies . The social criticism and future dystopia are gone , replaced with some vague Russian mobster plot . Worse yet , it ’s non - end action but you ca n’t even state what ’s fall out .
Turkish Star Wars
The culprit : Turkish censors , who would n’t let the genuine Star Wars into the res publica , thus require a quick - and - dirty remake , everlasting with clips from the real thing .
Why the hate ? It ’s not hate in this instance , it ’s love . This plastic film is so cheap and badly made , it falls clearly into so - bad - it’s - good territory . And at the conclusion the paladin karate - chops Darth Vader so heavily , Vader ’s head burst in half , down the center . Here ’s the whole motion picture , see for yourself :
Click to see
https://gizmodo.com/head-splitting-karate-chop-makes-tie-fighters-explode-356105
Godzilla
The culprit : Roland Emmerich . Who else ?
Why the hate ? I postulate Annalee why she hat this movie , and she say , “ Bad giant . CGI monstrosity unfit . ”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5BHcMzBKepc
The Time auto
The culprit : Simon Wells , the large - grandson of H.G. Wells .
Why the hatred ? I in reality have a total lenient billet for this moving picture , but I have to hold it ’s pretty big . One huge job : there ’s a episode where New York is destroyed due to a botched lunar colonization endeavour in 2037 . This could have been a great sequence , but instead it was switch off heavily because the plastic film add up out in good order after 9/11 . Also , the 2nd half of the film , where he go to live among the Eloi , is just preposterously cheesetastic . But I do like the idea that human skill basically peaked in 2037 , and then never find from the disaster for century of long time after .
I Am Legend
The perpetrator : Francis Lawrence , plus genius Will Smith . Plus the studio apartment courting who made them reshoot the termination .
Why the hatred ? I in reality like the first half of this movie just fine . Plus this movie really has to form hard to be worse than the Charlton Heston picture Omega Man . ( Which is also a remake , of The Last Man . ) The movie just runs into major difficulty once the lousy CGI zombies show up . The second one-half feels kind of like a disappointment after the nervous first one-half , and the raw finish is kind of blah . Here , for the criminal record , is the original ending , which is still meh but better than what they finally last with .
The Nutty Professor
The culprit : Star Eddie Murphy , first and firstly .
Why the hate ? Okay , maybe I ’m gaga , but I kind of like the original Nutty , with Jerry Lewis . Murphy ruins the remake with his fatsuit obsession , turning the duality between the Professor and Buddy Love into a exceedingly plaguy fat guy , scraggy hombre riff . Plus , Murphy takes the matter of trifle a hundred persona ( which worked O.K. in come To America ) and pushes it right smart over the line . The resultant role takes a fabrication of a nerd trying to ameliorate his social acquisition and way over - reaching into jerkdom , and turn it into a broad drollery about fat and fart jokes .
Runners up : War Of The Worlds ( Spielberg ) , Village Of The Damned ( John Carpenter ) , Solaris ( Steven Soderbergh ) , Vanilla Sky ( Cameron Crowe ) , Death Race ( Paul W.S. Anderson ) , Flubber ( Les Mayfield )
motion-picture show
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